
You used to make me cookies
And drop them at my door
But now when you bake cookies
I don’t get them anymore.

Short stories. Creative experiments. Ideas that might not pan out.

You used to make me cookies
And drop them at my door
But now when you bake cookies
I don’t get them anymore.

Driving down that stretch of road
Where my bus used to carry me
Full backpack, heavy lunchbox,
Just past those big beautiful houses
That even as a child gave me longing sighs,
I look for places that no longer exist
Like the consignment shop
Where Mom and I would go
To pick up cardigans and turtlenecks
Unfolding jeans laid on hand me down shelves
Holding them up in the mirror before
Adding them to the pile of what we could afford.
As I pass through that stretch of shops—
Some of which have not changed—
I wonder, when I went clothes shopping as a child
What was Mom thinking
When she pulled her car up in that little gravel lot
Just a short walk to those gorgeous houses behind my school
As she held up outfits and asked with urgency
“Are you going to wear this?”
A question full of worries she never shared with me.

What pale forgotten light breaks there
Upon the fair horizon where
I cast my eyes despite the glare
Of the approaching dawn.
How could I remember not
This slow unfolding beauty, hot
With hope for all the things I thought
Were lost to me and gone.
I must reach back into the past
Where once I felt this love so fast
I could not help myself but cast
It’s soft delight around.
For too long days and longer nights
Have kept that love from burning bright
And blackened up my heart with blight
So it made not a sound.
Yet now I open up my eyes
And see the pale light in the skies
Thick with a dream that dares defy
The darkness of that brew.
So, let the light come, let it bring
Every golden, tender thing
And let my soul begin to sing
With beauty, fresh and new.

I like to flirt because
Be honest
Who doesn’t like to be told
How lovely they are
With just a look or
A brush of a touch
And who wouldn’t want to pretend
That there is no mess underneath
The smile that spreads
Through all your tender parts
When a man looks at you
Saying things that make your heart beat
Just a bit louder in your own ears?
Don’t you like that too
The little game that’s played
In the sliver of space between
Your face and his
When you feel like you could
Snap a finger and he would go down on a knee,
Beg you for a chance to do
Whatever you wanted him to do?
I know it’s all pretend
But I’m telling you
That’s why I like it.

Part of the legacy you leave
Is the astounding fact
That you walked me up a mountain
And then pushed me from the cliff.
You struck just when I thought
I was finally safe with you
Past the worst of the climb
And on my way downhill.
I didn’t know you had a faster route
A free fall into the unknown
Because you could no longer
Stand my presence.
It makes me wonder why
You walked up the mountain at all
Why not let me climb alone
In hopes that I would make a jump?
I had thought the whole the climb
You might be merely apathetic
And it wounds me now to think
I was wrong. You’re just cruel.

Two women standing in a parking lot
And one says to the other there with her
“I am in distress signing these papers,”
To which the other replies, “Yes I know
Because you have trauma and you have grief.”
The first woman, boldly sad, says to her,
“It’s not that this is not a lovely place
It’s only that,” But she can’t continue
The tears in her eyes also in her throat.
“You shouldn’t have to be here,” replies
The second woman. A blessing, a gift.
“Oh yes,” cries the first. “Thanks for seeing me.”

I have been displaced by
A collusion of forces which work for ill
Arrogance, apathy, cowardice
An unholy union of urges that destroy
Faith, hope and love
Forced into a wilderness
On a sojourn not of my choosing
Because hypocrisy runs strong among
Men who think their strength
Lies in their position over others
Instead of in the gentle hand of mercy
Offered by a God who looks on in wonder
Asking
“Would your father be proud of you right now?”

It is not lost on me
That I was sent away during holy times
First, when we anticipated hope and light
Born into the darkness
Cast out among celebrations
Of joy and peace and love.
Is it not lost on me
That I returned to find nothing but callousness
A strangeness in the air that lacked
The promise of the Christ.
For a second time I was sent away as we
Collectively contemplated
Death.
Twice over wandering in the wilderness
Looking for a well
Told that banishment would be good for me
As the knife of betrayal was still buried in my back
Commiserating with the psalmist
And the man who cried from the cross
Eloi Eloi, lema sabachthani?
But what is lost on me
Is how the gospel has become
So malformed as to claim
Punishment is grace and
Exile is an attempt to reconcile.
You lost me on that one.

When the shepherd is a wolf
The sheep will never be at ease.
It won’t matter how he tries to hide
To comfort, to appease.
The sheep might stop their stamping
Cease their fretting and their cries
They might become accustomed
To his teeth and yellow eyes
But the sheep will never trust him
Never give him true respect
Never run towards him for safety
Or for wisdom, to reflect.
Though he tuck his tail and ears
Though he file down his claws
The sheep will always know that they
Could end up in his maw.
So the sheep will be polite
They’ll always get in line
But they’ll watch their back and whisper
And they’ll wait, and bide their time.
For sheep can tell who loves them
And who is there for his own greed
And when the shepherd is a wolf
The sheep will know they’re feed.

If you want to cry at church
You better do it in a dark corner
Since seeing your tears upsets the people
Who are there to feel good about themselves.
If you want to cry at church
You better do it in the back row
So you’ll be far away from the pastor
And won’t have to explain after the service.
If you want to cry at church
You better do it in the bathroom stall
Since that is a normal place for weeping
And is as private as a grave.
If want to cry at church
You better do it in your car
So you have a mirror to fix your makeup
Before you put your smile back on.
Or you can find a church to cry in
Where no one will frown at your tears
Where someone will sit next to you
And let you do it without comment.