In 2022, my friend Issa Brown peer pressured me into publishing a book of poetry with the phrase, “If you ever write a poetry book, I’ll illustrate it for you.” Okay, girl. Twist my arm, why don’t you? The results of our efforts was the short collection of poetry titled “The Circle,” a book which I advertise as a “raw, honest book of poetry about love in all its shapes.” It is filled with poems about romantic love, love gone wrong, the (estranged) love between friends, loving the wrong person, self love, love of family, nostalgia, needing to feel loved, and being loved by other people. The title poem, “The Circle,” speaks about the people who come to your rescue when you are utterly broken. Sometimes, you know exactly who will come to stand in that circle around you when you are completely shattered. Other times, who comes to stand in the circle of protection is surprising. And sometimes, the people who you expect to be in the circle aren’t there at all. When this happens, it brings with it a deep pain that only adds to the pain of what you are going through in the first place. It is a kind of second shattering, an abandonment that feels like betrayal. I wrote the following poem with the original poem “The Circle” in mind, while wishing that someone whom I had expected to see in my circle forever had actually showed up for me.

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I looked up from my place on the ground

Where I had sat down once again to grieve,

Scanning, my eyes searching everywhere

And yet

You had not come.

You were not there.

I had thought you would always be there

When I fell apart

Just as you had a thousand times before

Through the end of eras, and through the pain of death

Telling me, when all the world around me seemed to

Shrink until I was trapped

That I had the power to burst free.

“You are the most capable person I have ever met”

Your words,

Ringing like a clear bell on a clear day

Sounding through my addled thoughts as I tried

And tried and tried and tried

To pick up my pieces

And go forward even though

I barely understood how to move my feet.

You were always in the circle.

Always offering an outstretched hand

When you saw my tears,

Reaching toward me, reaching for me

Reaching me

With your kindness and your encouragement

And your confirmation that

“Yes, this is difficult.”

“Yes, you can do this.”

Because in many ways, you, too, were there

Or you had been there

Your wisdom and your honesty

A great comfort to me

When I could not get myself together

To feel human.

You made me feel like I had wings again

When I was plucked apart.

So when I looked up from the ground

When I was once again sitting in the dust

Where life had put me

Searching, searching, searching for you

And you were

Not

There

I felt a piece of myself wither

Perhaps forever

Because when I needed you

You did not come.

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You can order a copy of “The Circle” through my Published Works page.