Nearly every time I read through the instructions in the Hebrew Bible, I wonder what the text might look like if it was brought forward into the modern world. I don’t think we would be bringing animals and fruits from our fields and gardens. These are not the tokens that we find meaningful now. Below is a reimagining of the offerings from the book of Leviticus. If we followed these instructions, how would it change us and the way we interact with each other?
These are the offerings that you must bring to the altar of the LORD your God, so that you please the LORD your God.
The peace offering is to be brought to the altar when you have offended a neighbor. For an unintended offense, bring a large coffee, hot or iced as your neighbor prefers. You must make any dietary modifications as required or else the peace offering will not be accepted. For an intended offense, you must bring a gift card to your neighbor’s favorite restaurant, in an amount that will cover a meal for them and all their household. Lay the peace offering on the altar of the LORD when you have offended your neighbor. The peace offering must also include a prayer of repentance, whether the offense was intended or unintended, so that you may please the LORD your God.
The gratitude offering is to be brought to the altar when a neighbor has done you a courtesy. The gratitude offering is to be a hand-written letter expressing why your neighbor’s actions had a positive impact on you. Bring the gratitude offering to the altar of the LORD as often as you receive courtesy from your neighbor, so that you may please the LORD your God.
The humility offering is to be brought to the altar when you have lost your temper. If your humility offering is for something small, like a miscommunication or a disagreement about a work project, the offering is to be houseplant that is not easily killed. If the humility offering is made because of a larger blowout, like a fight with a family member on a holiday, the offering is to be a something that can be planted in the yard, like bulbs for the garden, or a fruit tree. Bring the humility offering to the altar of the LORD. The humility offering must also include a prayer of repentance, whether you lost your temper over something small or something large, so that you may please the LORD your God.
The replacement offering is to be brought to the altar when you have accidently lost or destroyed your neighbor’s property. Whatever it was that you lost or destroyed, whether a book, a piece of Tupperware, or an item of clothing, bring an identical item to the altar of the LORD. If you cannot afford to bring a replacement for the item that you lost or destroyed—if for example, the item was something costly like a vehicle, or irreplaceable, like a piece of jewelry from a deceased relative—then the replacement offering is to be a notarized letter stating that you will perform household chores for your neighbor until your labor has paid for the item you lost or destroyed. Your neighbor may not take advantage of you when you are doing this labor and must release you from the labor after the cost of your labor has paid for the cost of the lost or destroyed item. If your neighbor takes advantage of your labor, you are to ask the priest to intervene in the dispute, and the LORD will decide between you and your neighbor.
The empathy offering is to be brought to the altar when you have dismissed your neighbor. Whether this was intended or unintended, the empathy offering must still be brought, so that you may please the LORD. The empathy offering is to be a handmade item that you designed with the dismissed person in mind. It can be anything you feel is fit for your neighbor—a piece of pottery, a drawing, a fibercraft, an original piece of music, a poem or short story. Bring the empathy offering to the altar of the LORD. It must also include a prayer of repentance, whether the dismissal was intended or unintended, so that you may please the LORD your God.
These are the offerings that you must bring to the altar of the LORD your God, so that you please the LORD your God.
The Quick and the Dead 