I have been spending a lot of my time reading and re-reading the text of Genesis 12-25 as I work on writing my master’s thesis. In the project, I am exploring the family of Abraham, and the many systems within the narrative that create conflict between the characters. As part of my analysis, I have written some midrash for each of the key characters, based on the research I have done and the pieces of the text I want to pull to the forefront. This week I shared some thoughts about Abraham.

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I have sent my sons—your brothers—away.

Lot, my brother’s son, whom I would have kept as my own, had I been able to—Lot was lost to me before he was destroyed in Sodom! I sent him away too, thinking it was best, thinking it was for his good and for me. I had need of him, but I also had a promise from YHWH. I did not think that I would lose him forever. I had hoped that we could reunite.

Your brother Ishmael—he pained me the most. For years before your birth, he was the joy of my household. The son whom I loved. The son of my body that YHWH promised to me—I was sure of it. But then your birth was foretold to me, and your mother birthed you through a miracle. I was happy, Isaac. I was happy to have you as well. But I loved your brother Ishmael, don’t you see? He is also my son. And Sarah and YHWH took him from me. I sent him away from my household. What kind of father am I?

And then, I shudder to think of it—the way I assumed YHWH would also take you from me—as Lot and Ishmael had been taken. And I didn’t even protest! I did not complain or question. I took you to Moriah, and raised a knife to slay you! What kind of father does these things? Don’t comfort me! I am ashamed of my weakness. I did not have the strength to save you from death, as I could not save my other sons.

But for you, Isaac, I have sent my sons, your brothers, away from me. I had to—don’t you see? I am a danger to the ones I love. There is no one YHWH cares about more than you. Everyone else is expendable—Lot, Ishmael, Hagar, even Sarah! Why would it be any different for Keturah and your brothers? It was to protect them that I sent them from me. If they are not part of my household, they cannot be part of this covenant that was made.   

Now, promise me Isaac! When I die, take me to where I buried your mother. Lay my bones beside her bones in the cave I purchased to be her grave. Let me be reunited with her, my wife, my sister, my kin. She was right to leave after I took you to Moriah. I wish I could have told her what we saw there. I wish she would have understood what I had been through. I wish I hadn’t treated her the way I did.

But it is too late for me now, Isaac. My eyes close and my life nears its end and I have many regrets, many amends to make yet, that will never be made. Make them for me. Find your brothers that I sent away. Reconcile yourself to them, do not carry on the harms I have done. Do better by your own sons. Make a life worth living, one that does not end with thinking of all the harm you’ve caused the ones you loved. Don’t repeat my mistakes, Isaac! Follow God, but fight with God too. Fight for yourself and what you want. And teach your sons to do the same.