My hatred of you will keep me warm in the winter

It will be like a breeze over my face on hot summer days

A comfort to me in my moments of doubt.

When I see the fresh green sprouts and yellow caps

Dazzling the springtime fields

I will think of how my hatred of you unfolded

Just like those daffodils

Beautifully, painfully slow

Until it burst forth in a bright pop

Full and impossible to ignore.

It will bring me joy to know

That all the understanding and forgiveness

I could have offered you in your worst moment

Is instead melting in my hot palm like sweet chocolate

A waste, and a delight.

I will savor it, this hatred of you

Letting it linger on my tongue after the words I speak

The way a sunset lingers in late summer

Apple red and candy pink, orange like fire and pumpkins on the vine

And when my bones begin to crack

And I grow frail and bent

And my children must brush my hair and put me to bed

I will still hate you

As I sink down in peaceful sleep

Joyous that I lived my life

Never offering you freely

What you refused to offer me.