I have wanted to be a writer for nearly all my life. In fifth grade, I had a hardback notebook full of beautiful lined paper with a white wolf on the cover. I wrote poems in it when I couldn’t sleep. In middle school, I filled notebooks with pieces of stories that I never finished and sad poems about boys I liked. In high school, I began writing what eventually would become my first novel. All through those years, the idea that I would one day be a writer was a dream that seemed unattainable. Even now, after publishing two books and having my work appear in a highly successful indie RPG, I still have the thought that one day, I want to be a writer.
I am a writer. I have always been a writer.
I have stories to tell. Sometimes they are short and sweet. Sometimes they morph into something longer and complex. Sometimes they are forever incomplete. The only thing that keeps me from sharing these stories with the world is the pervasive, agonizing question: what if I suck?
I’m not going to listen to that voice anymore.
This blog is a showcase of my short fiction, my creative process, my writing experiments and my ideas that don’t ever pan out. Writing is life giving for me. It’s cathartic and fulfilling and restorative. Some of my writing might suck, but I’d wager I have at least a few good ideas in the mix.
The Quick and the Dead 
4 responses to “What If I Suck?”
Hi Sarah 🙂
Not only are you a writer, but you are also writing — that’s great!
Whether you such or whether you think you suck or whatever doesn’t matter (IMHO) — if you are doing what you want to do, nothing else matters (as long as you’re not actually bothering someone else 😉 ).
🙂 Norbert
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This is such a cool idea and I look forward to reading more!
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Sarah,
I happened to walk through the Beloved exhibit at Christ Church and along the way discovered you are a writer. I took a moment to take in some of what you’ve shared here, but it was this post, “what if I suck” that really provoked me.
Great title in it’s bluntness, buy my imagination immediately went to another place.
I imagined you on the other side, just before you came into your life. A conversation that went something like this.
“You’re going to come into your life during a time where there will be so much writing between people. Their ability to communicate with each other will be greatly enabled and accelerated, but the spirit and nature of writing will be different. It will be more impulsive, reactionary, topical. There will be more output, but with less depth and imagination.
I need someone, a writer who can step into this moment and hold the space for reflection and exploration of self, motivations, relationships. I need someone who can keep the depth of humanity, the human spirit within writing. I need someone who will hold that space and share without self doubt. Someone who will be fearless in opening themselves and sharing. Someone who believes deeply in art of self expression. Someone who will remind others of their humanness. Someone who will invite others to remember all these things.
I need a person who can do all of this and be a beautiful mother to children in the world. Someone who may through their work, invite and inspire this flame in young spirits. Someone who will teach their own children the beauty of being fully human in this life.
I need a person who will be a great spouse. That by being themselves they take their spouse to places to places they would never go on their own.
Upon any singular measure you may doubt yourself sometimes, but remember yours is not a singular journey. It is in doing all these things that you will become beautiful and have a beautiful life. Please go now and simply be who you are.”
Please take this as you wish but it was such a strong impulse that I felt compelled to share this with you.
John
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Thank you John for sharing this. I strive to be the kind of writer who can hold space all these things, and be honest about them at the same time. I appreciate your words. Hope you enjoyed the art show!
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