Perhaps it is strange to be thinking of Judas and the Easter story during Advent. The hope, peace, love and joy we feel at the birth of the baby is always, for me, dampened by the reality of where the story eventually leads. It’s a bit like the first time I watched Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, seeing the young boy Anakin on the screen and feeling such sorrow about where his life would take him. We know what happens to the baby, and it tugs at me each Christmas, not just because of what happens to Jesus, but also because of what happens to Judas.

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I wonder who put those thoughts in Judas’ head

Contrary to what he had seen with his eyes

And felt with his heart

As he walked alongside Jesus on dusty roads

Offering peace and hope and love.

What lies disturbed the soft territory between them

The bond of trust forged from shared passion

Who disrupted that sacred space?

Someone so vile that his companions named the devil

The only possible explanation for a betrayal so bizarre

So upsetting

So unbelievable

That it must have been outside of his control.

Ordained from the beginning

A path to redemption.

But I wonder now about that simple answer

And how Judas might feel about it

Because I know better than to blame demons

For a world that is filled with good people who get twisted up

By misinformation

And how those half truths take hold of you

And start to put thoughts in your head

That look a lot like silver coins.

And so I wonder about Judas

The thoughts in his head as he approached the garden

As Jesus was taken away

As the money changed hands

As he watched the results of his choices.

And when it was over, did he know who had lied to him?

Did the silver look like the noose

As it snaked around his neck?